why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
