I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
