My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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