I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
