I am puke
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
