I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
