she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
