one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my being single is dangerous.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
