RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
