You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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