The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
