But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
