whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
