Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
