think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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