we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize