it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
