Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
