So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
PANTIES FOUND
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