sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
