I need help removing her.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
