We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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