Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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