I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
