I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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