Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
