I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
