we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize