I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
