Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
