I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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