I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
