Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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