As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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