I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
