omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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