Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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