You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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