i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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