You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
