I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
