Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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