So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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