just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
