im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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