My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
