did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize