Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
