Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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