I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
