Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
