Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
