overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
