there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
