I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
