i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
