I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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