she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
