I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize