Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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