this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
