god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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