I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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