everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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