My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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