i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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