i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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