Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You pole danced in your parka.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My ass is underappreciated
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
