I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
