Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
