You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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